Michelle Zauner

Michelle Zauner and Crying in H-Mart (7)

Michelle Zauner

Michelle Zauner is known by most as the lead singer of the indie pop band Japanese Breakfast; however, she has recently made her debut into the literary scene as well. Zauner came from a household consisting of a Korean mother and Jewish father; having been born in Seoul, Korea and raised in Eugene, Oregon (1). Throughout her life, Zauner has artistically expressed various challenges that she’s faced such as the balancing act of her Korean and American identities, growing up as the only Korean American kid in

Michelle Zauner (5)

school, and the combination of the end of a strained maternal relationship and regaining touch with her Korean roots after her mother’s passing due to a battle with cancer. Zauner had previously expressed reluctance in writing music regarding the obstacles she’s overcome, so instead resorted to creating literary works such as Crying in H-mart; a memoir expanding upon a previously written essay that describes experiences at a Korean grocery store and gives us an insight into her personal life

Crying in H-mart 

Crying in H-mart documents Zauner’s frequent journeys to a Korean grocery store after the passing of her mother (1). She would purchase many ingredients to make an array of Korean dishes to prove to herself and to others that she hadn’t lost touch of her Korean heritage after the passing of both her mother and aunt (1). A powerful quote from the memoir regarding the feelings of confusion and loss at the beginning of the exploration of her Korean culture states, “Am I even Korean anymore if there’s no one left in my life to call and ask which type of seaweed we used to buy?” (2). This quote stuck out to me because I feel that it really conveys the urgency she feels in needing to prove to both herself and others that she is “Korean enough” and that the transmission of her Korean heritage doesn’t end with the passing of her mother and aunt.

Crying in H-mart shows Zauner’s personal experiences with grief as she describes the many memories that she shared with her mother. She tells a story with each ingredient that she picks off the shelves, describing to readers memories such as a seaweed soup that would be eaten on her birthday,

Michelle Zauner shopping at H-mart (8). 

as well as telling readers how the primary way her mother showed affection was through her cooking (2). She would state that her mother would often appear to be cold and stern, but that she could “always feel her affection radiating through the lunches she packed and the meals she prepared for me just the way I liked them” (2). Zauner also talks about the many phases of grief, particularly anger, through instances such as seeing older Korean women at the H-mart and wondering what her mother would have looked like at that age (2). Zauner uses Crying in H-mart to describe to readers the experience of being a Korean American woman, the sense of connection forged through food, the profound effect that grief can have on a family, and her many efforts of honoring and remembering her mother after she’s passed (3).

Review #1: “When Her Mother Died, She Found Solace at a Korean Grocery”, written by Tammy Tarng, published by the New York Times

Tammy Tarng interviewed Zauner in April of 2021 for the purpose of reviewing Crying in H-mart; the interview/review providing more insight into Zauner’s experiences with grief over not just the loss of her mother, but also her estranged relationship with her father, as well as gives more background information on her family’s origins. Zauner talks with Tarng about her experiences with grief, talking about the fact that “crushing her mother’s Vicodin with a spoon and sprinkling it over ice cream” during the end of her mother’s fight with cancer wasn’t what scared her (3). Rather, fear struck Zauner because her mother’s passing occurred right when their relationship was at its best; when they were “really getting to enjoy each other’s company and know each other as adults” (3).

Zauner also wonders what it was like for her mother upon meeting her father to constantly be moving from place to place, to overcome a language barrier with her husband, and to marry after just three months of dating (3). An especially important detail regarding this is the fact that when Zauner would ask her father about how her mother felt about all of this, he would solely respond with details 

Michelle Zauner (6)

about the places they had gone to. When contemplating asking her mother these questions, she hesitated because her mother viewed such things as “wastes of energy” (3). She also felt that her mother would have really liked the book, that she would have been “moved by parts of the book” but that there were also parts that might cause her to say “I don’t know why you had to go on about this for the whole book when you’re just like an American kid” (3). I personally liked this review very much on Crying in H-mart because it really showcases the complicated experience of maintaining/regaining touch with one’s heritage after the passing of a beloved parent, as well as the ripple effect that grief can have within a family. I feel that it also expresses how food can tell a culture’s history, hold so many personal and familial memories, and can serve as a vehicle that carries a culture’s traditions across generations.

 

Review #2: “Review: Japanese Breakfast Musicians Memoir Crying in H-mart Makes a Meal of Mourning”, written by Zack Ruskin, published by the San Francisco Chronicle

Zack Ruskin states that Zauner’s Crying in H-mart is a memoir centered on an exploration of “terminal illness, culture, and shared experience” (4). It is a journey that follows Zauner as she moves from the East Coast and returns to Eugene Oregon to care for her ailing mother, readers often finding themselves immersed in settings such as hospital rooms and family kitchens (4). Zauner also expands upon the nature of her and her mother’s relationship, stating that her mother’s love was “tougher than tough love” and that it was “brutal, industrial strength” (4). She would also say that her mother was always ten steps ahead on

Michelle Zauner and her mother, Chongmi (8)

knowing what was best for Zauner and didn’t care if it “hurt like hell in the meantime” (4). The review mentions that Zauner relives and maintains the memories of her mother through the recreation of her dishes and that she “brings dish after dish on the page in a rich broth of delectable details, cultural context and the personal history often packed into every bite” (4). Ruskin describes Crying in H-mart as a memoir that will “provide comfort to those in the throes of loss while brilliantly detailing the colorful panorama of Korean culture, traditions and – yes – food" (4). I agree with this statement because I feel that this was Zauner’s main goal when writing Crying in H-mart. Not only was its creation a way for Zauner to process and begin to heal from her mother’s loss, but it also helped to educate others on the Korean American experience, Korean food and culture, and normalizing the many ways in which grief can manifest itself in daily life.

Personal Reflection

Learning about Zauner’s life journey through Crying in H-mart has allowed me to gain more insight on things such as the Korean American experience, the transgenerational transmission of culture and memories through food, and the ways in which grief can affect both ourselves and our families in a variety of ways. Prior to learning about Zauner’s life and her memoir, I admittedly didn’t know much about the experience of immigration and what it must be like to lose touch with a part of your heritage upon moving to a new place. I never really thought about what it must be like to be one of the only people of color in a new school, having to experience a language barrier between myself and others, and the strain that it places on a family’s ability to both provide financial and emotional support to its children.
It also gave me more insight into how these challenges can be further complicated due to the passing of a beloved parent. As is, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose my mother. I think about how I would feel entirely lost in the world and would always wonder what more we could have done together. Similar to Zauner, I would also try to recreate dishes my mother made throughout my childhood to maintain her memory. Recreating my mother’s cooking would help in my ability to recall different memories such as time spent together, the constant back-and-forth between family members on what we should eat that night and going grocery shopping with her while sneaking things into the cart.

 
Crying in H-mart also provided a sense of comfort to me by showcasing the many ways in which grief can manifest itself. A particular instance that I had mentioned previously talked about how Zauner had seen an older Korean woman in H-mart and realized she was angry because she never got to witness her mother at that age. It made me reflect on the fact that we need to cherish the time that we have with our loved ones because we never get the privilege of knowing just how much time we have at all. This instance also made me reflect on my own experiences with grief and seeing strangers in public that reminded me of people from my life who have since passed away, and how experiencing that can be very jarring. Overall, learning about Zauner’s life and analyzing Crying in H-mart Chelped me to learn more about what it’s like to grieve over a parent, the challenges that immigrant families experience, the ability for food to hold so much culture and memory, and how someone who is biracial simultaneously connects with both parts of their identity.

(1) Wikipedia contributors. “Michelle Zauner.” Wikipedia, 21 Jan. 2024, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michelle_Zauner.


(2) Zauner, Michelle. “Crying in H Mart.” The New Yorker, 20 Aug. 2018, www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/crying-in-h-mart.


(3) Tarng, Tammy. “When Her Mother Died, She Found Solace in a Korean Grocery Stores.” The New York Timese, 17 Apr. 2021, www.nytimes.com/2021/04/17/books/michelle-zauner-japanese-breakfast-crying-in-h-mart.html. Accessed 13 Feb. 2024.


(4) Ruskin, Zack. “Review: Japanese Breakfast Musician’s Memoir ‘Crying in H Mart’ Makes a Meal of Mourning.” Datebook.Sfchronicle.com, 13 Apr. 2021, datebook.sfchronicle.com/books/review-japanese-breakfast-musicians-memoir-makes-a-meal-of-mourning. Accessed 13 Feb. 2024.


(5) DeLuca, Dan. “Philly Rocker Michelle Zauner of Japanese Breakfast Has a Book Deal.” https://www.inquirer.com, 28 Feb. 2019, www.inquirer.com/entertainment/japanese-breakfast-memoir-michelle-zauner-20190228.html.


(6) “Japanese Breakfast - Nelsonville Music Festival.” Nelsonville Music Festival, 7 Apr. 2022, nelsonvillefest.org/artist/japanese-breakfast.


(7) Usa, Kinokuniya. “Crying in H Mart &Amp; Interview With Author/Musician Michelle Zauner — Kinokuniya USA.” Kinokuniya USA, 30 Sept. 2021, usa.kinokuniya.com/featured-books-posts/2021/05/04/crying-in-h-mart.


(8) “Michelle Zauner’s Recipe for Consoling Grief: A Taste of Home.” CBS News, 30 Jan. 2022, www.cbsnews.com/news/michelle-zauner-crying-in-h-mart.